Beyond Independence
The American dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is legend around the world.
When I delivered weekend seminars to large groups, I noticed an interesting phenomenon. As we moved more deeply into the experience, the group displayed two distinct attitudes. A large percentage of the participants would ignite, become actively enthusiastic, alert, participatory and clearly on the ride.
From a presenter’s point of view, this would be the time to start congratulating oneself and then pump up the volume to get the rest of the troops on board.
Instead, I started to get curious about the quieter ones. I noticed a pulling back, a reticence and hesitancy that wasn’t as easily discernable because of the rapid-fire participation of the outwardly expressive people.
I started noticing that there is a critical time when the new learning experience starts taking hold and begins its transformational magic. At that time, the extroverted, outgoing personalities get more outgoing. At the same time, the introverted, introspective people get more internal, recede into themselves and start deeply probing into their fears and apprehensions, asking new questions that begin to highlight dormant parts of their self-awareness.
The extroverts display their excitement about climbing the heights and reaching for the stars, while the more introverted plumb new internal territory to deepen their self-understanding.
Extroverts would be better served by letting go of collecting answers in favor of asking themselves deeper questions. Introverts would fare better if they let go of self-questioning in favor of owning and valuing those answers they have already discovered as workable for them.
Usually, the extroverts get recognized and encouraged to continue their turned-on, enthusiastic climb towards more, bigger and better.
Introverts are advised to overcome their reluctance and dive headfirst into the exuberant end of the pool. Therefore, they often quietly make themselves wrong, commit to goals they don’t really care about and try to hide as best they can the sinking, depressed feeling that envelopes them when subjected to the ranting of manic, supercharged, I want it all and I want it now energy.
Our society values extroversion, action, positivity, upward mobility and independence. We hold introversion, negativity, contentment with our present moment and dependence as suspect and problematic experiences to be altered, figured out and fixed.
When independence is held as good and dependence as bad, we are forced to lie to ourselves about the fact that we are dependent as well as independent. When we value our extraverted behaviors and devalue introversion, we are unable to access the skill of introspection and, therefore, can never grow into our true wisdom and self-knowledge.
Those of us who define ourselves as independent simply have a case of ‘selective perception.’ We conveniently minimize or take for granted all the people and situations that support and sustain us in our pursuit of happiness. Those of us who define ourselves as dependent are deluded also. We fail to lay claim to our strengths, unique gifts and contributions, often because of the denigrating habit of self-invalidation and defining our worth in terms of external or monetary production.
When we broaden our perspectives to acknowledge and own that we are both independent and dependent, we can begin to cultivate interdependent relationships. When we embrace both masculine and feminine, active and receptive, power and service and introspection and extroversion within ourselves, we can then take on the intriguing task of establishing mutually beneficial empathetic relationships with ourselves, our loved ones, friends and neighbors.
By broadening our self-definitions, we can create more peace and harmony personally. By broadening our nationalism to a world vision, we can value and respect all people in all countries inhabiting our globe.
Use your core self-awareness to exercise your right to vote as a citizen of this wonderful country.
Susan has been writing and producing personal development seminars for over three decades and has been a local since 1986. susanvelasquez.com.
