By Mark D. Crantz
It’s official. Drone fireworks are shot down. Incendiary fireworks are fired up for next year’s Fourth of July celebration. Residents expected this city council decision. Right before the vote, everybody ran to the other side of the room, turned their heads away and squinted their eyes in anticipation of city council lighting the fuse on fireworks that go BOOM!
Wait. Wet the tips of your fingers, we may have to reconsider putting out this fuse before it’s too late. According to an alert cat in between grooming, the city council has just approved buying a product made in China. That’s right. 96% of the bottle rockets, roman candles and other fireworks trace their origin to China. It was an embarrassing decision, second only to the time the city council took their ‘Make America Great Again” hats off and discovered the inside tag read ‘Made in China.”
The cat who alerted me to this dilemma has a fur ball of his own to cough up. He doesn’t want incendiary fireworks. Past celebrations have taken a toll on his health. The noise and smells have sent him into extensive therapy over the years. His owner has been supportive of his medical care because the owner wants his old, unfriendly, self centered cat back. This new fired up cat has become clingy and in need of attention. The owner shared his story. “It’s weird, really. My cat, Q-Tip, has radically changed due to past firework celebrations. The other day he pulled me to the beach and jumped into the water after a frisbee. My cat has changed into a dog.”
Other cat owners have told similar stories. Cats are taking on the personalities of dogs. They do their business all over the place, except in the litter box. Instead of curling up and purring, the affected cats bark at their owners. They’ve lost interest in catching mice and birds. On the other paw, dogs have been reported to have morphed into mice catchers who are proud to drop their hunted trophies at the feet of their owners and purr proud in delight.
A ‘Save Your Pet’s Identity’ has been organized to protect our furry loved ones from next year’s fireworks display. The group’s aim is to hopefully support the country’s newly elected orange tabby president, who promises to place prohibitive tariffs on incendiary fireworks. New hats have been ordered from China that read, “Make Pets Predictable Again.”
Crantz tells the Indy that the Harris camp also supports the ‘Make Pets Predictable Again’ campaign. They plan to pass a bill providing free pet insurance for all pet owning Americans. The bill will provide Americans with a list of PPO veterinarians, who will provide care to the pets and to the owners, as well. The switch from regular people doctors to veterinarians will save 700 trillion dollars over the next 700 trillion years. Bark and meow to that.
