Let’s Crow About It
By Mark D. Crantz
Calling all cats. There is a new art installation at city hall. It’s two huge crows. So, ‘Hello Kitties,’ try taking down these 10-foot birds, and you won’t have to hunt ever again. It’s a feline happy meal for a lifetime. Now there’s a value meal. Ronald McDonald should listen to his cat.
I’m not a cool cat when it comes to knowing good art from bad. So don’t leave it to me, readers, to tell you to like it or not. But I will tell you that I’m glad city workers put the crows on the city lawn. You wouldn’t want to hit these birds with your car. Of course, if you drive a Tesla, I’m sure the autonomous self-driving computer has software telling the car to avoid 10-foot crows. Otherwise, Elon would have to eat crow. A dish he’s never tried.
I’m not running for office. But for those city council members campaigning for re-election, please note that one solitary crow signifies bad luck. You may want to think about moving one of the crows to a challenger’s front lawn. Or, if you install one more crow at city hall, then the threesome signifies good luck. That’s how the folklore crow flies. Abide by the folklore, and you’ll win the election.
But whatever you do, as a politician, I suggest not looking at these monster crows in the eye. You’ll regret it. Crows have the largest brain-to-body size ratio of any animal. They remember faces and campaign promises. You don’t want to take a chance that a 10-foot crow holds a broken campaign promise against you.
Also, you never see a crow wearing a hat. They can’t find one big enough to cover its large brain. Crows are as smart as a seven-year-old child. Another mammal who seldom wears a hat. Crows are problem solvers and know how to use tools. So, city hall is advised to hire these crows to fix the city’s parking problem.
Of all the birds the city could have installed, I’ll tell you, while not looking these crows in the eye, that I would have gone with Big Bird, Woodstock or Tweety Bird. These birds are lovable and much less scary. Their brain-to-body ratio is more in line with mine. You know, just enough matter to matter. Then, residents would be happy to bring their children to city hall without fear that their kids would be eaten.
Remember Laguna Beach residents, Godzilla started out as an art installation, too. You know what happened to Tokyo, Japan.
Crantz tells the Indy three or more crows is called a Murder. So, add one more crow and file the installation as an unsolved murder. Then call Dateline to tell the on-air story.
